Forgotten thoughts....

I just completely forget sometimes to keep track of them... they fade away before I have a really good grasp of them... or, maybe, I just don't want to keep a log of the things I'm thinking right now. That's probably the reason I don't call (or email, or visit) friends and family as frequently right now either. I just don't want to rehash all over again for those who are so eager to know all the dirty little details of my unraveling life. I do need to get better about this, though... I have dabbled in journaling at various periods in my life. The one that I kept in high school got 'shredded' to avoid any of those thoughts seeing the light of day (little brother, still at home, and exceptionally nosey, would've LOVED to spill those juicy secrets at the time...) and now I so regret that. My poetry has served as a journal of sorts. I can track the ups and downs of my life by the frequency with which I have returned to the pen. When I'm in the midst of turmoil, or in that "glassy-eyed" falling in love stage are the two times of my life that I'm most likely to write. Today, I am neither. I am (as I wrote in a poem today), "in between". I am neither married (for this is certainly not a marriage, and I have told him it is over) nor divorced (at least not in the legal sense of the word). I am not happy, but I have moments of happiness; but neither am I sad. I am neutral, and I think that's the worst place in the world to be...